wtf do i feed you's dinner time tactics
we all know the airplane manoeuvre...but do you know about the magic bite?
We can all agree that dinner time is a struggle. That’s the whole reason we’re all here. Some weeks this struggle drives us up the walls, other weeks we’re totally at peace with it. For those weeks when we cannot find our zen and things are going sideways, we have to take a few deep breaths and get creative.
Now, we are in NO means experts, nor are we professionals. In fact, some of these approaches would probably be at the top of someone’s “what NOT to do to at dinnertime” lists. BUT we are who we are, and this is the reality of what’s getting us through, so today we want to share some approaches that have moved our dinner times from a snails pace, to that of a slug. And sometimes even a normal, human pace! Some are pretty silly, some are normal, it is what it is.
We aren’t going to cover early eaters here - getting babies into food is a whole thing and that journey is one that families can make together. This list is for toddlers & big kids who are having a hard time with what’s on their plates. As much as we would like to avoid the conflict, it simply can’t always be nuggets and fries GUYS!
WTF PRESENTS: DINNER TIME TACTICS
LEVEL 1: Nothing Fancy
Put the food down in front of them and don’t say anything. Sometimes not making a deal out of it makes them forget that they might take issue with a colour or texture or flavour you’re serving.
Self serve or “passing” dinner. If the kids can dish out their own plates, they might be more inclined to eat everything?
House rule: you have to try one bite of everything before you say you don’t like it. This rule gets broken almost always, but having it is a nice thing to fall back on when things get tricky.
Kids help cook or set the table. If they’re involved, they’re more likely to eat. Or not. You won’t really know until it’s showtime. It’s worth a shot?
Choose your own cutlery. Maybe they’d rather use chopsticks? Try these ones.
Combo bite. By no means foolproof, but this tactic is a stalwart of our dinner tables. Filling up your fork with a bite from each element of your dinner and munching on it all at once. Disguising the taste of whatever your kid is avoiding with the deliciousness of whatever the main event may be.
LEVEL 2: Get Creative
Magic Bite: Make your kid feel like they’re performing a magic trick right in front of your eyes. While you cover your eyes, how many mouthfuls of what’s in-front of them can they make magically disappear.
Bite Competition: Set a timer & see how many bites they can finish in 10 seconds. Safety first with this one - maybe add a chew & swallow rule to avoid choking or pocketing food like a lil hamster.
Guess What’s For Pudding (Dessert): With each extra bite eaten, your child gets one guess of what might be for pudding and you give one clue. Slowly bringing you closer to a fruit course that almost frustratingly gets easily devoured in front of your eyes.
Monster Bites: Let your child be the monster at the dinner table, using their fork to stake any food in front of them while it (you, in your best “oh noooo!” voice) squeals in anguish before being eaten by your child monster!
Tiny Bites: If monsters aren’t in favour, how about your child is a tiny mouse? They must take tiny mouse bites of everything.
Rate Your Plate: Have the kids be your Top Chef Judges or restaurant critics. Have them rate every component of the dish.
A Very Dramatic Countdown of Every Bite. Like a rocket ship taking off. Blast off in 5…4…3...2…1...GO! Add a drumroll for effect and a big cheer for every bite they take.
Sidebar: Catching yourself pretending to be a screaming bite of broccoli about to be consumed by a toddler monster, only for them to reject it and then look at you like “How COULD YOU?! YOU were the real monster all along!” is a very specific experience. We all start out this parenting journey being like, I would never do that blah blah blah and then one day…POOF…they’ve got you in the palm of their hands. You’re grasping at straws to provide them basic nutrition. Life comes at you fast.
LEVEL 3: The 3 B’s
Barter, Bribe & Beg. There are no more fun food games to try, we’re thisclose to throwing our own tantrums, so we’re going to have make some deals. Do you want dessert? Take 3 bites of everything. Fine…3 bites total. Alright, if you eat one combo bite you can watch a show before bed. Please. Please just try one bite of any food on your plate. Ok, just a nibble? You need this food to grow! HELP ME HELP YOU!
LEVEL 4: Cereal for Dinner
Fuck it. FINE. They win this round. A bowl of cereal, some yogurt, a peanut butter sandwich. Whatever. You can try again tomorrow.
OK so we’ve shared our dinnertime truths. Now what about you? Is it just us who are dealing with maniacs at the dinner table? Has anyone else taken such desperate measures? We want to hear from you, please help us and help each other. One day we might be lucky enough that the kids will sit down happily chat away and munch through their dinner within thirty minutes and THANK US FOR FEEDING THEM. But for now, we need help.
Until next time,
KT & Ed.